John McCain is exploiting parents' fears about sex education in the schools. His ads claim that Barack Obama wants kindergarteners to learn about sex before they learn to read.
Obama wants no such thing. What he does want is to give kindergareten students information about good, bad, and secret sexual touches.
Who can possibily be against protecting children from sexual abuse?
McCain ignores the fact that children are learning about sexuality continually, from birth on. It is up to parents and those who are with children several hours a day to help children understand sexuality.
Sex Education in Schools is Controversial
McCain knows parents have fears about sex education in the schools. He is exploiting those fears.
Some parents are for school sex education. Some are against. Still others want to examine the curriculum to make sure it provides information about values, feelings, appropriate and inappropriate behaviors, anatomy, and physiology.
Begin in Preschool
When the program is solid, sex education can begin in preschool, with basic information that matches children's curiosity and developmental level, such as where children come from and the bodily differences and similarities between boys and sex. Sexual terminology could also be part of the teaching.
Parents as Partners
It would be ideal for parents to be part of the planning. Parents might even do the formal teaching.
As children become older, the information that schools provide, with parents' input, would continue to match their developmental level. For example, nine year-olds are often fascinated by sexual terms. A brief session on sexual terms and what they mean would be helpful at that age. Children may use sexual terms to bully and tease others.
Bullying
A brief session on these "bullying" terms that include what the terms mean and how the terms hurt other people would provide children with guidelines. This also will help make the classroom and the school grounds more safe for children. "Faggot," "whore," and "lessie" are terms that some children use to hurt and exclude others.
It's Not Okay to Hurt Others
By the eighth grade children need much guidance about sexual feelings. They also are ready to learn about which sexually behaviors are appropriate and which are not. Many children this age do not realize that grabbing butt, or genitals is not funny and that it hurts to be hurts to be the target of such behaviors. Many children will stop these behaviors when they realize this is inappropriate. If children continue, then the classroom teacher can refer them to the school social worker.
Honesty
Children this age and older benefit greatly when they have formal instruction about sexual respect and honesty. For example, it is not okay to tell someone you love them just so you can be sexual with them. It is not okay to touch someone sexually or try to have sex with them just because they have a reputation for being "easy."
Myths About Sex
By high school, children have learned a lot of myths about sex. Boys for example may believe that they have to prove their masculinity by being sexual with as many girls as possible. Some resort to tricks and manipulation just so they can tell their male friends about their sexual conquests.
Girls may be desperate to have a boyfriend and may become sexual before they are ready and before they know if the boy is just using them. Girls and boys need to know the difference between sex as commitment and love and sex as a means of getting pleasure or showing you are a grown-up.
Summary
Sexuality is an important part of life. Children require both formal and informal education about sexuality. The best situation is when schools partner with parents to develop humane and comprehensive programs. These programs would include formal instruction every school year for about four hours a year and much informal guidance about appropriate and inappropriate sexual behaviors.
Fiona Speaks is a pseudonym of Jane Gilgun, Ph.D., who is a professor, School of Social Work, University of Minnesota, Twin Cities, USA. This blog is a way for me to connect with people who like to talk about ideas and connect with what's important. To do this, I want to examine and demystify the blocks I see to building connections and community with other people. Join me.
Friday, September 12, 2008
Obama is Right and McCain is Wrong About Sex Education
John McCain has sunk to a new low when he degrades the importance of children's sex education. Barack Obama is right in advocating for healthy sex education.
Parents who educate their children sexually give them a life-long gift. When parents avoid talking about sex with their children or dismiss their questions and concerns, children are left on their own.
Information about sex that is available to them through peers, observation, movies, and the internet is distorted and harmful. It is up to parents to give children correct information.
Fostering children's healthy sexual development takes time and effort. Parents may have to deal with their own discomfort. The price for avoiding sexual topics is high. Children are left on their own to interpret the confusing and often destructive messages that they get from peers, the mass media, and the internet.
Parents are and should be concerned about what their children are learning. Often their sources of information about sexuality are distorted and even frightening. Children may get the wrong idea about sex. If they don't learn otherwise, they may act in ways that hurts them and other people. It is up to parents to give children correct information.
Talking to children about sexuality can open up many channels of communication. A young boy said to his mother, “If I can talk to you about sex, I can talk to you about anything.”
Start Early
Parents would do best to start sex education early. Children are being educated informally through their everyday experiences. Sex education starts in infancy. For example, when parents teach very young children the names of various body parts, they can teach them correct terms, such as vagina, vulva, penis, anus, buttocks, and breasts. They can also use “pet” and family names for sexual body parts, but knowledge of the more formal terms is important, too.
Pet names are part of family lore and normalize sexual body parts. However, when children go to the doctors or if they have problems with others about sexuality, it is important that they can use terms that others understand.
Healthy sex education helps prevent child sexual abuse. A child who has had a good sex education is more likely to communicate clearly and without shame that someone has violated them sexually.
Sexual Touching
Infants and toddlers often touch their sexual body parts and may touch the sexual body parts of other children. Parents have important roles to play in helping children know the difference between public and private sexual behaviors and appropriate and inappropriate behaviors.
Parents can instruct children that it is okay to masturbate, but that is a private activity not done in front of others. The places to masturbate or touch their sexual body parts are the privacy of their bedrooms or in the shower.
Sexual Respect
Parents have an important task of teaching children to respect the personal space and the sexual body parts of others. A no touching rule can be taught. “Please do not touch others on their sexual body parts.” “Keep your hands to yourself.” “If someone touches your sexual body parts, please tell me.” These the kinds of guidelines that parents can provide children so that children are safe and are safe to be around.
Simple Explanations Satisfy Curiosity
Preschoolers have questions about where babies come from. Simple explanations satisfy their curiosity. Questions about the origins of babies are intriguing to children, and they are delighted to find out the answers.
Sophisticated Information
As children get older, the kinds of information they require gets more sophisticated, such as what kinds of behaviors are appropriate at what ages. For example, when is kissing okay? Necking? Petting? How can you tell if he or she loves you? What to do if someone pressures you to have sex?
What if you like that person or think you are in love? These are difficult topics to broach with children and teens. Parents have a responsibility to help children develop into responsible and responsive human beings who celebrate their sexuality but who also do not exploit others or do not know how to stop others from exploiting them.
No Excuses
Children understand and appreciate parents' efforts. Embarrassment is no excuse for parents not to educate children sexually. Some parents avoid and dismiss children's concerns and questions. That hurts children's developing sexuality could lead to cut-offs in parent-child communication.
There are a lot of helpful books, dvds, and websites that can help parents talk to their children about sexuality. It's important for parents to push through their discomfort for the sake of their children.
Summary
Fostering children's healthy sexual development is a life-long gift that parents can give their children. It takes time and effort. Parents have to deal with their own embarrassment. The price for avoiding sexual topics is high. Children are left on their own to interpret the confusing and often destructive messages that they get from peers, the mass media, and the internet. Remember the boy who said, “If I can talk to you about sex, I can talk to you about anything.”
Fiona Speaks is a pseudonym of Jane Gilgun, Ph.D., who is a professor, School of Social Work, University of Minnesota, Twin Cities. This blog is a way for me to connect with people who like to talk about ideas and how to connect with what's important. To do this, I want to examine and demystify the blocks I see to building connections and community with other people. Join me.
Parents who educate their children sexually give them a life-long gift. When parents avoid talking about sex with their children or dismiss their questions and concerns, children are left on their own.
Information about sex that is available to them through peers, observation, movies, and the internet is distorted and harmful. It is up to parents to give children correct information.
Fostering children's healthy sexual development takes time and effort. Parents may have to deal with their own discomfort. The price for avoiding sexual topics is high. Children are left on their own to interpret the confusing and often destructive messages that they get from peers, the mass media, and the internet.
Parents are and should be concerned about what their children are learning. Often their sources of information about sexuality are distorted and even frightening. Children may get the wrong idea about sex. If they don't learn otherwise, they may act in ways that hurts them and other people. It is up to parents to give children correct information.
Talking to children about sexuality can open up many channels of communication. A young boy said to his mother, “If I can talk to you about sex, I can talk to you about anything.”
Start Early
Parents would do best to start sex education early. Children are being educated informally through their everyday experiences. Sex education starts in infancy. For example, when parents teach very young children the names of various body parts, they can teach them correct terms, such as vagina, vulva, penis, anus, buttocks, and breasts. They can also use “pet” and family names for sexual body parts, but knowledge of the more formal terms is important, too.
Pet names are part of family lore and normalize sexual body parts. However, when children go to the doctors or if they have problems with others about sexuality, it is important that they can use terms that others understand.
Healthy sex education helps prevent child sexual abuse. A child who has had a good sex education is more likely to communicate clearly and without shame that someone has violated them sexually.
Sexual Touching
Infants and toddlers often touch their sexual body parts and may touch the sexual body parts of other children. Parents have important roles to play in helping children know the difference between public and private sexual behaviors and appropriate and inappropriate behaviors.
Parents can instruct children that it is okay to masturbate, but that is a private activity not done in front of others. The places to masturbate or touch their sexual body parts are the privacy of their bedrooms or in the shower.
Sexual Respect
Parents have an important task of teaching children to respect the personal space and the sexual body parts of others. A no touching rule can be taught. “Please do not touch others on their sexual body parts.” “Keep your hands to yourself.” “If someone touches your sexual body parts, please tell me.” These the kinds of guidelines that parents can provide children so that children are safe and are safe to be around.
Simple Explanations Satisfy Curiosity
Preschoolers have questions about where babies come from. Simple explanations satisfy their curiosity. Questions about the origins of babies are intriguing to children, and they are delighted to find out the answers.
Sophisticated Information
As children get older, the kinds of information they require gets more sophisticated, such as what kinds of behaviors are appropriate at what ages. For example, when is kissing okay? Necking? Petting? How can you tell if he or she loves you? What to do if someone pressures you to have sex?
What if you like that person or think you are in love? These are difficult topics to broach with children and teens. Parents have a responsibility to help children develop into responsible and responsive human beings who celebrate their sexuality but who also do not exploit others or do not know how to stop others from exploiting them.
No Excuses
Children understand and appreciate parents' efforts. Embarrassment is no excuse for parents not to educate children sexually. Some parents avoid and dismiss children's concerns and questions. That hurts children's developing sexuality could lead to cut-offs in parent-child communication.
There are a lot of helpful books, dvds, and websites that can help parents talk to their children about sexuality. It's important for parents to push through their discomfort for the sake of their children.
Summary
Fostering children's healthy sexual development is a life-long gift that parents can give their children. It takes time and effort. Parents have to deal with their own embarrassment. The price for avoiding sexual topics is high. Children are left on their own to interpret the confusing and often destructive messages that they get from peers, the mass media, and the internet. Remember the boy who said, “If I can talk to you about sex, I can talk to you about anything.”
Fiona Speaks is a pseudonym of Jane Gilgun, Ph.D., who is a professor, School of Social Work, University of Minnesota, Twin Cities. This blog is a way for me to connect with people who like to talk about ideas and how to connect with what's important. To do this, I want to examine and demystify the blocks I see to building connections and community with other people. Join me.
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