Children typically are afraid to tell anyone when they are sexually abused. Children are afraid they will be blamed. In fact, survivors of child sexual abuse do have to be careful who they tell. Many people do blame and stigmatize them. The non-offending partners of sexual abusers of children often are stigmatized.
It’s time for us adults to StopItNow!. It’s time for us to stop blaming children. It’s time to stop blaming non-offending spouses. It’s time to put the responsibility for child sexual abuse where it belongs—on perpetrators.
It’s time to talk about child sexual abuse so children will feel safe to talk about their abuse.
It’s time to make it safe for persons who abuse children sexually or are thinking about doing so, to seek help. Yes, they must be held accountable and they expect that. Along with accountability, comes our obligation to make it possible for them to change. Most want to. When they want to and when they get the help that is necessary, many if not most do change.
My concern for children got me into the field in the first place. One of my first surprises when I actually talked to child survivors what that the children often loved those who sexually abused them, though they were hurt and confused by the abuse. They wanted their fathers, stepfathers, brothers, sisters, uncles, aunts, and cousins to get help and return to the family. The didn’t want to be abused but they wanted the people they loved to be part of their lives.
Our jobs as adults is to make it possible for these adults and other family members to desist from hurting children and to take their proper roles as responsible, loving parents. This is something children want with all their hearts.
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