What to do when you think no one loves you and you are a bad person

This week I spoke to a group of six teenage girls who meet every week to talk about their lives. I was the guest speaker. I decided to talk about what to do when you are feeling unloved, unwanted, and that everything that is wrong with your life is your fault. After some introductions, I asked them if they ever feel as if no one loves them. I don't know any human beings who don't feel that way sometime, but we sure don't talk about it.

I told a few stories myself, such as the times my mother would tell me I was just like my Aunt Frances. She didn't like my Aunt Frances and crticized her. The kids understood that story immediately They stories about not getting along with parents and the things that parents say to them and what they say to parents. Three of the girls talked about being sexually abused. Some experienced verbal abuse, such as parents telling them they hated them and wished they had never been born and they are just like their fathers whom the mothers hate. One girl described what I consider emotional neglect.

The girls responded to parents typically by yelling back that they didn't ask to be born and that they hated their parents. They also acknowledged that their parents are under stress--at least a few did. I thought that they had learned that from professionals and that such statements directed attention away from the hurt and from constructive ways that they might deal with their hurt.

We moved on to what they do when they feel unloved and unwanted. Several of the said they use journals. One girl said she doesn't anymore because her parents read her journal. We talked at length about who they can trust when they are feeling this way.

One girl said she opened up to her p.o. and the p.o. told her parents what she said. She said the p.o. had told her what she said was confidential. Other girls talked about talking to peers who then blabbed all over the school. Most if not all of them had someone betray a confidence. I told them of a time someone betrayed mine.

So, I hoped we ended on a good note, with the girls realizing that a lot of people feel worthless, unloved, unwanted. I hope they know that talking to someone they trust is a good way of dealing with these feelings.

I wish everyone had someone to talk to. I wish everyone would talk to someone else when they feel this way. The world would change.